Before I discovered music as my emotional outlet, I had no deliberate way of dealing with emotions. I did not know how. I was an escapist. I just tried to self-medicate my way into something that felt better, whether it was cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc... I never had an emotional roadmap. For a long time I was just angry. I felt powerless to change my environment, so eventually I stumbled across a way to change my internal state. And it worked in a way, ableit a tempory and unsatisfying way, but It was all I knew how to do.
Eventually as I learned to express myself in music and writing, the bottle started uncorking. I was able to move further and further away from self-destruction and escapism, into something that made me feel GOOD. I found something that I could do that would manage my emotions, and rather than being a little more damaged after doing it, I not only felt truly good but actually had a product, a song, at the end of it.
Discovering music has changed my life, and quite honestly I think I would have destroyed myself already if I hadn’t found it. I’ve found with each passing year as well, that the resentment that I harbored for various people and situations from my past, the resentment that defined so much of my conscious (and unconscious) experience, the resentment that colors a lot of my music, has progessively transformed.
As I look back on this last paragraph, its even more clear to me about what fuels a lot of the content of my music, and more than anything it's relationships. Some people write about the sun and beautiful things. Some people write about the club and bottles or expensive brand name goods (which as a sidenote, I think is a testament to the superficial nature of our current materialist fucking society). I generally write about, and try to express my feelings regarding the relationships I have had with others, and my tumultuous relationship with myself and various demons.